In fact, I know many people who have had emotional abuse as a part of their lives and have chosen not to bring those behaviours forward into future relationships. They can see the damage that emotional abuse causes and they successfully keep it out of their lives.
There are many reasons individuals have low self-esteem. Most of them never become abusers, but some do. The negative thoughts that come through reflection are painful. One of the many ways to avoid thinking about oneself is to find fault in others and to create arguments. Doing so keeps the focus outside of oneself.
Thus, abuse and all its associated volatility is self-serving. People who feel worthless and unappreciated will sometimes resort to bullying tactics to get others to acknowledge their worth. To the extreme, this can evolve into emotional abuse whereby the perpetrator is trying to force the victim into acknowledge his or her superiority. Some abusive individuals have a low emotional IQ.
For whatever reason, their age does not reflect their ability to think, feel, and behave in a responsible and reasonable way.
Abuse as a tonic for low self-esteem is doomed to fail. An abuser is feared, not loved. Such a relationship with others can only lead to failed relationships, lack of intimacy, and avoidance. Rather, they are unwell individuals that need medical help. However, since some of you are trying to sort out why you are being emotionally abused, I have included this category as part of the explanation. There are numerous personality disorders that express themselves with extremely aggressive and insensitive behaviors.
Some examples of such disorders include narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder which is actually a mood disorder , and borderline personality disorder.
Living with these individuals often means living in terror, especially when the underlying disorder is left untreated. Due to their genetic constitution, some individuals find it difficult to resist their impulses.
As a result, they often overwhelm, and even crush, their partners. People with genetic predispositions for aggressive and abusive behaviour are not intentionally abusive, but there are appropriate therapies and medical treatments to help them learn to restrain themselves and act in a more socially acceptable way.
Taking the necessary steps to eliminate negative behaviour can help to keep them accountable. Someone who would otherwise be reasonably mannered might reveal their abusive side when alcohol or drugs enter the picture. Although these individuals might claim that the substances are the cause of the abuse, there is no excuse for their behavior.
If someone chooses to use drugs or alcohol and others have told him or her that their intoxication brings out abusive behaviour, it is now their responsibility to stop. Refusing to kick the habit means that they must be held accountable and correctly labeled as abusive, as anyone without the consumption of substances would be. Knowing why things happen will help you to figure out an appropriate response. Abuse is serious and, unfortunately, many people have actually lost their lives at the hands of their abuser.
Even if your physical safety is not at stake, your emotional health is at stake. Learn more about emotional abuse and come up with a plan to either change your situation or exit the relationship.
Nobody should have to live with abuse in any form that should not be the price that is paid to maintain a relationship.
Professional help is available and comes in many forms. As you learn more about emotional abuse, you will understand more clearly the exact type of help that will be most helpful to you. If you need outside help, reach out so that others can assist you.
It is important to know that emotional abusers can change. These tactics are meant to undermine your self-esteem. The abuse is harsh and unrelenting in matters big and small. Abusers tend to place their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will try to come between you and people who are supportive of you to make you more dependent on them. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem.
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We explain the symptoms and how to treat these conditions. Pretty broad, right? Emotional abuse is difficult to comprehend because it encompasses so much. Just take a look at the non-exhaustive list[ii] below of behaviors that are potentially emotionally abusive:.
Many people consider sarcasm a key component of a good sense of humor. For example, an emotionally abusive relationship where overt aggressing behaviors like yelling, threatening and blaming are predominantly used will look very different from a relationship where only very subtle forms of abuse like gaslighting , passive-aggressive put-downs, and minimizing are used.
Emotional abuse is rarely a single event. As a result, the abuse can go unchecked as the relationship progresses, building for months, years, even decades, especially if the abuse is more covert. Regardless of how emotional abuse unfolds, experts agree that it has devastating effects on those who are subjected to it.
Unfortunately, these effects as well as each harmful act of abuse are largely invisible. This makes it difficult for most people to comprehend the very real risks and damage of emotional abuse. For a moment, try to imagine a scene of physical violence, a fight. The struggle. The adrenaline and fear.
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